all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
