I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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