why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize