I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
