Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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