Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize