dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
