he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
All I want is dick and wine.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
