i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
