This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
