Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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