Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
