i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
