Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize
