I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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