The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
