he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
