There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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