Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
