why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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