sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
