we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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