Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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