i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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