I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
