Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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