I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
