dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
