i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
how drunk are you?
Several
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
