I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
