Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
