my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
