its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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