I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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