She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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