Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
