I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
