I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
