i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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