yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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