All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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