his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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