i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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