I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
