I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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