I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
