people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
