the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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