Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
