oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i will never coherently bang her
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
