My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
