At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize