Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
