Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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