I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
