420 ftw
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
