I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
