It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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