Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
