I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
