u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
