The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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