He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
God I need to hump something, right now.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
