I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
