I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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