just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
