I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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