i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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