Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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