Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
