chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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