And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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