Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
