hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
