I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ugly people sure do ruin things
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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