i jhust puked up my retainher.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
