Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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