I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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