omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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