this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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