Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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