I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
