I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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